It’s been a while, but it’s only because I’ve been sooooo busy with mom life and mom boss life!
I did want to share with you guys though my new adventures! And hopefully I can update you on a few other things too a little bit later.
So…
I started up my own teether company! Exciting, right????
I hand make teether jewelry & teether toys! My creations are made from silicone beads and wood that are bpa free, non-toxic, and eco friendly and come in a variety of unique colors!
They are Lead free PVC free Mercury free Phthalate free FDA Approved, food-grade silicone Tasteless / Odourless!
These are:
• Great for mama’s with teething babies!
• Helpful for friends and family that are around baby often
I haven’t written on here for a little over two weeks, and I’m sorry to those who look forward to my posts or follow my page. I feel like I’ve let you down.
But I’m sure you can understand, especially if you’re a mom, that life happens.
And I’m also sure there are many other mom bloggers who can still find time to sit down and write a post a week or keep up with socially, but I apparently am not one of them, especially when it comes to hard times in the real world.
Now, I’m not one to air out my dirty laundry, so I won’t get into too much detail, but life has been extremely rough for us.
Who knew switching from full time working mom to stay at home mom on one income would be so devastating? I had it in my mind that it would be rough, but I didn’t think it would be that rough, to the point where we have to sometimes choose between rent money and food money.
To say that I’ve learned to get creative with our meals is an understatement.
But it’s worth the sacrifice. I get to be at home raising my daughter and taking care of my household. And I will find a way to keep making it work.
But if you want to know the honest and raw truth of it, I am exhausted.
I thought working full time and being a mom was hard but actually staying at home is even harder.
People don’t give stay at home moms enough credit! I mean the amount of work you have to do to continuously keep everything going and functioning properly is insane!
And the even crazier part is…us stay at home moms don’t get a break. Yep. No breaks after 5 hours. You are on the clock 24/7, catering to every need that everyone in your household needs. Me time? Yeah right… gone, out the window!
Time for a shower? Maybe if you’re lucky enough to squeeze in 5 minutes here or there?
And you can forget about going to the bathroom alone.
I don’t know if it gets easier as the children get older but right now, its pretty much chaos.
But I’m not complaining. I love my baby girl. I will continue to do whatever it takes to keep her thriving and well.
The hard part in truth about this whole situation is pretty much everything else on my plate. I can handle a baby. But I can’t handle everything else life is throwing at me right now. Or it’s not that I can’t, it’s just tough…
I’ve been trying my best to keep up with social media so that I can stay “relevant” enough in the algorithms so that my following can grow and my business can grow with it.
But honestly it’s a huge commitment! You have to be on your game, coming up with interesting posts, posting at the right times, wording things the right way.
And if you’re not doing that, your stuff gets lost in cyberspace. Yep.
I tried the MLM (multi-level-marketing or direct sales) thing. And that again was too much on me and my wallet. I get the idea of it, but honestly, if you’re not a 100% believer in your product, you’re not going to sell much.
I tried my clothing business. And let me tell you, I LOVE designing graphics for different clothing items, but it’s not selling. I don’t know why that is and I’m not going to be a sore loser about it but what can you do? I’ll keep trying to make cool things but it’s obviously not my ticket to making enough to pay our bills.
I get it. People are just as broke. Everybody is selling something. What makes my product any better or different? I’m not sure. I put my heart and soul into it and it’s up to the other person to recognize it. If people like it, then beautiful, if not, that’s ok too.
Anyway, I’m rambling. The point is….
I’m struggling. And maybe it’s time for a break. Just shut down. Reevaluate. Hit refresh. I don’t know.
I can’t keep up and if I try to… I’m going to burn out.
I hate to do this. I really do. And maybe I’ll find the energy some days to pop back on, but I guess consistency was never my strong suit.
At least during tough times.
I need to take care of my family. I need to figure out my marriage. I need to make things better.
And if it mean sacrificing social media for a little while longer then so be it.
My alter ego? Haha JK this was me 3 years ago, pre-baby
I’ve been watching that show on NBC called “Good Girls.” Let me tell you. That show is addicting. I literally went through two seasons in about a week. OK Just kidding. It probably took me a few but still.
If you haven’t seen it. You should. Starring Christina Hendricks (from Mad Men), Retta Sirleaf (from Parks & Rec), and Mae Whitman (from Parenthood), it follows three women who are mom’s by day and grocery store robbers by night. I won’t give any spoilers but their alter-ego’s don’t stop there. Overall, it’s just a fun show that shows the realness of motherhood, family struggles, and how they decide to stop playing it safe and start taking risks in order to pull themselves out of their financial woes.
As I was watching, it got me thinking how most moms have an alter-ego. They may not be grocery store robbers or indulge in other criminal activity (let’s hope not!) but they do have another part of themselves other than their daily title of “mom.”
Stay at home mom’s (SAHMs) especially. They may not work a regular 9 to 5, but they do PLENTY of work at home. Taking care of children, a household, all the activities during the week and a husband. It’s more like a 24/7 job. But they are more than their “work” as mothers and homemakers.
They have passions. Dreams. Goals.
Many of them, like myself, are small business owners. They create amazing things ranging from knitted baby blankets, to selling essential oils, to designing tshirts, to inspiring other moms to take care of their bodies and well being.
They have goals of doing more for themselves. Following their passions of acting or writing or designing. They put in the hours after everyone goes to bed and all in the house is taken care of. They wake up extra early to get in an hour or two of writing. They go to bed a little later than everyone else so they can work on perfecting their craft. They spend time putting together a whole portfolio of content in order to keep up with social media and advertising their products. And all the while, they are still AMAZING moms.
They make sure their children’s needs are met. They get the grocery shopping done, dinner on the table, and everyone in bed by 9pm.
To the mom with an alter-ego. I see how hard you work and I know you do it for your littles, but you also do it for yourself. You do it for yourself because this particular thing, this craft or passion or hobby or business is what you ALSO live for. It drives you. It fills you up. It makes you feel like YOU again. And you shouldn’t have to put it aside just because you are a mom. It’s OK to have your alter-ego, to keep her alive still even though now you are a parent. Remember that it’s healthy for you to have your passions still and not get lost in the day to day activities for your children. Motherhood is not your ENTIRE identity. Being a SAHM is not your ONLY title. Of course they are both worthy titles, I’m not saying that you NEED more. I am only saying that if you want more, it’s ok. It’s ok to be passionate about something else too, something that really drives your soul, that inspires you to be better and do better.
And maybe it’s nothing HUGE like owning a business or doing something else on the side. Maybe it’s something as simple as taking the time every night to read pages out of your book because your alter-ego is a bibliophile. Or maybe it’s something like doing something yoga when they kids take a nap because your alter-ego is a yogi.
Whoever your alter-ego is, don’t forget about her, because I’m sure she was there before you had kids.
So who is your alter-ego? Are you an oil enthusiast? An actress? A make-up artist? A painter? A violinist? A writer? A jewelry maker?
Whoever you are, remember you are important too, mama. I know it’s hard to balance and I know sometimes you wonder if it’s even worth it to keep going because you’re just so tired at the end of the day, but I promise you it is. You are a better person because of it. Because following your passions is equally important. An inspired mama is a happy mama. And we love happy mama’s because they produce happy children.
My alter-ego is this blog and my clothing shop. I’m actually extremely tired right now and can totally go to bed, but I decided to stay up so I can write because honestly, writing is my passion. It’s just part of who I am and who I have always been. And after I write, I will probably work on a new design for my shop, because I’m learning, this is my now my other passion. And I know that even though I will be tired tomorrow, I will also feel happy because I got to produce something to put out there for others to see and hopefully be inspired by.
I think what I’m trying to say is, you’re more than just a stay at home mom (or mom in general.) You are an amazing mom, but you are also a woman who has passions, dreams, desires, and more in her heart. I’m not saying drop everything, forget about your kids, and go chase after your dreams. I’m just saying, don’t forget “you.” Because you do have your own identity. I know she can get lost sometimes, but find her again. I promise she is there underneath it all.
Stay inspired, ladies.
xx Mama with Grace xx
P.S. Have you checked out the shop lately? New designs added weekly! Don’t forget to check back often for sales and follow my FB page for more goodness!
For the last few days my daughter has been clinging to me as if I am going somewhere. She is refusing to sleep at her normal bedtime because as soon as I leave the room after she’s fallen asleep, her eyes pop open and she is whimpering with fear in her voice. I know she knows that I have left and that scares her.
If any of you are familiar with the wonder weeks, my daughter is in a period of time where she is understanding the concept of separation and that her mama, her comfort zone, can actually be taken away. And it kills me that she is having this fear, this anxiety.
But it also kills me that she is not sleeping at 6pm like normal, which means dinner is delayed, which means housework is delayed, which means every other priority that I need to get accomplished before I go to bed is delayed. It makes it hard on this mama.
BUT. This is motherhood.
Motherhood is sacrifice. Constant sacrifice. Motherhood is where love begins and ends.
Motherhood means sometimes delaying something you need, to give your little one something they need instead first.
Motherhood is spending an extra 10 minutes or two hours cuddling because your child just wants your attention a little bit longer.
Motherhood is reading the same bedtime stories over and over again.
It is playing the same games. Singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” ten times over. It is having to sit through cartoons and actually finding that you like watching some of them.
Motherhood means doing what is best for them. But it also means not forgetting to take care of yourself. Because an unhappy mom, most of the time equals unhappy children.
In the beginning I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood. I never realized how selfish I really was before having a daughter, but motherhood really forces you to take a hard look at yourself and your ways.
Motherhood means getting less sleep if it means helping them sleep better or more soundly. It means getting up at 5am when you really want to sleep in until 10.
It means pushing through the hard points and doing the best you can. It means sticking with it especially when you are in complete doubt of your self and your abilities.
Motherhood is moving outside your comfort zone. It’s changing diapers in the back of your trunk. It’s walking around the store with baby vomit on your shirt and not knowing about it until later. It’s forgetting to pack snacks in the diaper bag. It’s being the mom that doesn’t have it all together. It’s admitting that you are not perfect. It’s showing up late to everything because some kind of explosion or meltdown always happens right before you are about to leave the house.
But in the end, motherhood is the most rewarding job of all. It is worth all the sleepless nights and skipped meals. Because when they look in your eyes and smile, it’s like everything melts away. All the frustration, all the fear, all the doubt, all the exhaustion, and all the pain.
Gone.
Because they are worth it. Because all of it is worth it.
This is motherhood.
And Mama, you are doing an amazing job at it. Don’t forget that.
xx Mama with Grace xx
P.S. Don’t forget to check out the Mama with Grace Shop! I’ve added some new styles to the shop this week!
You can shop direct here or click on the header that says “mama with grace shop” which will take you directly to the shop’s site!
As always, I appreciate your support. Please don’t forget to share, comment, or like us on instagram at @Mama_with_Grace or on FB. Don’t forget to tag us #mamawithgrace!
I’ve always been a rule follower and now that I am almost 30, I’m realizing that it’s time to stop following all the rules, and start breaking some.
Ok. HOLD ON. Bold statement. Before you make any judgement, read on.
I don’t mean start doing anything bad or illegal — I just mean it’s time to go outside the box. Stop following the conventional way and start really making things happen by taking risks and following my instincts.
BUT first, the right mindset. Because that’s where everything begins.
What if you broke the rules and actually believed in yourself? What if you thought you were enough?
What if you thought you were a good mother? What if you believed that you were doing the best for your children?
Wouldn’t those thoughts be such a game changer in your life? Wouldn’t you actually feel good, confident, beautiful, strong, maybe even happy?
What if we started breaking the rules in this way? It seems like the norm is to constant feel defeated, inadequate, ugly, and unloved. We are so quick to telling ourselves these thoughts, but find it so difficult to speak loving thoughts to ourselves, our bodies, and our minds.
I do a questionnaire every week on my facebook page and this week I asked the mom’s following my page a two part question.
What area do you feel you struggle in the most when it comes to being a mother (ex: self care, exercise, diet, balancing work/children, etc) and part two, how do you practice self care?
The unfortunate part was that MANY mom’s admitted that they struggle in the area of self care, some went as far as saying, “what is that?” The general consensus was that moms usually put themselves last over every other priority in their lives. Why is that? Why do we not see our selves as a priority?
The moms that answered the second part of my question had some truly interesting answers that made me think.
One mama in particular caught my attention. She said, “to me, self-care is not a bath and a glass of wine. It’s being intentional about loving on yourself the best that you can, in your given moment. That’s how self-care becomes manageable as a mama and that’s how you go from suffocating and overwhelmed to thriving.”
Another mama chimed in by adding a comment along the same lines by saying that to her “self care is small acts throughout the day that show love to [herself], eating nourishing food, working out, getting outside with [her] son. When [she] switched [her] perspective and started seeing small acts throughout the day as self care, it didn’t feel like another thing [she] was supposed to be doing.”
Self-care really should be a priority for all of us, but mama’s in particular. We have incredibly hard jobs! Yeah, we may not get paid, but our roles as mothers require us to be on duty 24/7. We don’t breaks or paid time off. We are working around the clock taking care of everyone and everything that matters to us but we often forget to take care of ourselves!
And taking care of ourselves really is important. Think about it — you cannot pour from an empty cup. Meaning, you can’t meet the needs of others when your own needs aren’t met.
So what if we broke the rules and practiced self-care!
What if we took an hour to ourselves every night? What if we dedicated one day a week to doing something especially for us? What if we woke up an hour early just so we could get a morning workout in or 20 pages of our favorite book, or even just some silence to sip our morning coffee? What if we were intentional and made ourselves a priority too?
I’m going to be honest here. OK when am I not honest? Since becoming a stay at home mom, I’ve been finding it hard to balance taking care of the household, taking care of my daughter, running my business/blog, and everything in between. It’s seriously been one big chaotic mess lately. I’ve been trying to put my full time effort into all aspects of my life and it’s NOT working.
If I focus on my business, my daughter suffers. If I focus on my daughter, the house starts to look disorderly. If I focus too much on the house, I forget to take care of my husband. SOMETHING ALWAYS SUFFERS.
My mom guilt was seriously weighing me down but yet I was feeling so overwhelmed because I also wanted to focus on my business and gaining a following, but then nothing was getting done around the house and my husband was complaining. And all the while, I felt drained – mentally, emotionally, and physically. What was a girl to do?
I took a break off social media for one whole day and I spent the day being present and thinking of a solution.
The solution came after speaking with my good friend and wellness/fitness coach, Taylor Behringer. If you haven’t checked her out, please do! She is an amazing mama herself and is all about helping to empower women during pregnancy and postpartum. You can check out her website here!
We were talking about me never having any time to workout and how I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with trying to balance motherhood, self-care, and my business. I was telling her how prior to getting pregnant I was pretty fit – doing yoga and biking constantly, but ever since I gave birth, I haven’t had a single second to take care of myself, let alone exercise.
She brought up the idea that I shouldn’t be looking at exercise and self-care in the same way that I used to prior to getting pregnant. I had this rigid mindset and expectation of what self-care was supposed to look like, but in reality, I needed to be more open with my interpretation of it.
She helped me understand that exercise doesn’t have to mean taking a yoga class or going to the gym, that it could be just getting out and taking a walk with my little girl, or doing a baby-wearing workout routine, or exercising while playing with my little.
She had me thinking outside the box. I was so stuck inside, following the rules of what exercise was “supposed to be.” But she had me break those rules, look at it from a different perspective and break free of what I thought it should look like.
I’m taking it a step further and deciding to apply it to the rest of my life. I want to stop looking at everything in my life with expectations of what they are “supposed to look like” and just start living according to what feels good for me and my family.
I want to start looking at self-care without the expectation of what it’s “supposed to look like” and start taking time throughout the day to do small acts of self-care in order to recharge and replenish myself.
I want to change my mindset. Stop falling into the same excuses of “i don’t have time,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t have what it takes.” And instead, tell myself things like, “I will make time,” “I was always enough,” and “I DO have what it takes!”
Let’s break the rules. Let’s stop following the same paths that we always have. Let’s think outside the box, mama’s. Let’s make ourselves the priority too. Trust me, you have time. Trust me, your little will thank you. Trust me, the housework can wait and it will get done.
You are important too. You are enough. You deserve to be taken care of by you too.
xx Mama with Grace xx
P.S. Don’t forget to check out the Mama with Grace Shop. The link is at the top of this page! I just added a few new designs for my amazing mama’s and their littles! Thank you for all your support!
I don’t know if it was truly Mark Twain that said it, but that is what google tells me. He said to “write what you know,” and ever since first hearing this piece of advice somewhere, I’ve stuck to it and have written on topics that I know.
And what I know has really been a culmination of events throughout real life. I love to quietly observe and study all that I come into contact with such as all the people that I come across or the conversations I happen to have or even the daily experiences I have myself in my own personal life.
Lately, what I know is motherhood. My topic of expertise really. Ok, no not really. There is still SO MUCH to learn about motherhood, but I do know one thing.
All you mothers out there. Your body is magic.
Yes. You heard me. Your body is magic because YOU created something out of nothing. Well really God created something out nothing, but you were His vessel of carrying that child in your womb and bringing it to life.
And can anyone disagree that that is absolute magic? The miracle of life is just that, a miracle, so therefore it must be something magical and extraordinary.
If you’ve been reading along in my journey, you probably read about how I have opened up my website to the public on a larger level – getting my own domain, advertising more, opening up my shop, etc. I have also opened up my social media profiles to be more public and have met thousands of women (mostly mothers) by doing this. And I can say that most all of them are good people. And if I hadn’t done this, I would have never met them otherwise. So I’m very glad I did.
But anyway, I have been growing my following by getting to know these people, these other mothers. I’ve been talking to them. Hearing their stories. Sharing their struggles. Joining them in on their own personal walks through motherhood. It has been quite the learning experience.
Just last week I brought up the conversation of different births. If you’ve read my birth story (if not you can read it here) you would know that I had an all natural, pain medication free, water birth with my daughter, who is now six months. I am a very strong advocate for natural birth because there are multiple benefits for mama and baby.
Labor is often shorter because pain interventions like epidurals can actually slow down labor because it interferes with the body’s natural way of laboring and it can also make it harder for a woman to know when to push as she cannot feel her body’s urge to push, which can cause issues with the natural rhythm of the body.
Epidurals usually cause further medical interventions due to the fact that they slow down labor and there is now a need for further safety measures for the baby so fetal monitoring is often necessary. More interventions usually mean a higher chance of getting a c-section.
Babies born naturally are usually born more alert, which allows for higher success rates for breastfeeding the newborn within the first few hours of life. Babies born “drugged” by pain medication often have a more difficult time latching and/or have a lack of interest in feeding because of their decreased innate desire of suckling.
Pitocin (a synthetic form of oxytocin, which is used to induce contractions/labor) can bring on stronger than normal contractions with very little in between time for the woman to recover, which can cause less oxygen for the fetus, which can sometimes be dangerous.
Women who deliver naturally have faster recovery time than those that do not and this is because there is a natural release of endorphins after she delivers her baby, which can produce a sense of calm in the body and even decrease the feeling of pain. Those that were given pain medication do not get this natural release of endorphins.
A natural birth allows you to feel more connected to the experience and not so “out of it” or “out of control” of your body, which is always a good feeling when you are first meeting your baby.
Just a few reasons of why I am all for natural births and not to mention, they are super empowering, which is another reason why your body is magical!
When I asked the question of what type of birth the mama’s following my page had, I was extremely surprised by the answers. SOOOO many of them had natural births ranging from water births to at home births to pain medication-free births in the hospital.
SO MANY STRONG, EMPOWERING MAMA’S!
Hearing all of their stories truly inspired me and made me realize how incredibly powerful women are and how incredibly strong mothers are. And regardless of the type of birth you had, whether it was natural or not, or vaginal or even a csection, you are still magical and you are still such a strong mama.
So I want to celebrate that. I want to celebrate all types of mothers actually because being a mother is such an amazing role that should be celebrated daily.
Our magical bodies grew these tiny little humans for 9 whole months and then our strength birthed them out of our bodies. Then we go on to recover after that life-changing experience and are thrown into a whole new world of motherhood where this new little human is completely dependent upon us and frankly, we don’t know what we are doing at first. But we keep going. We push past all the feelings of uncertainty because love is a much more powerful feeling and we take care of and love this little human being with all that we’ve got. And they grow and grow and grow. And we watch them experience life and open up their little minds and mold into their own personalities and it was the most rewarding job ever.
But let’s not forget the times in between. The thankless moments that go unnoticed most of the time. The 3am feedings. The hundreds upon hundreds of diaper changes. Preparing meals. Packing lunches. Staying up way past your bedtime to finish projects. Waking up early in the morning to get the day going. The runny noses. The inconsolable tears from teething. The multiple calls for “mama.” The bedtime stories told over and over again. The good nights and the good mornings. The “watch me do this” and the “don’t do that’s.” The “I love you’s” and the loads of cuddles.
As mothers we aren’t paid for our work. There’s no overtime. There’s no bonuses. Mothering doesn’t stop when you are sick or not feeling well. It doesn’t have vacation days and you can’t just turn it off when you don’t feel like doing it anymore. Mothering is the hardest job, but yet the most rewarding.
When a mother is born, the first thing she comes to learn is that deep inside her is a strength like no other. Besides enduring the pains of childbirth, she will also find the strength within herself to continue even when she is beyond exhausted, and this is because the second thing she realizes she’s now equipped with is unconditional love. Both gifted to her by God, these two qualities will be used throughout the ups and down of her journey through motherhood.
So we must take time to celebrate her. Celebrate the magic within her. Celebrate the fact that her body is magical. That her love is magical. That her strength is magical.
Because in truth, being a mother is the most magical experience one can ever have.
Happy mother’s day to all my strong mama’s out there.
xx Mama with Grace xx
p.s.
Check out these new designs that I’ve created inspired by strong mama’s and their magical babies. Get yours today in the Mama with Grace shop!
Me baby wearing because little girl wants to be held
I read a few articles the other day, which discussed the ideas of babies, especially those under 6 months, sleeping through the night. You can read the articles HERE and HERE.
It basically highlighted how pressured new moms feel from
other parents to get their babies to “sleep through the night”. The article also
dove into other pieces of “well intended” advice to new moms such as, “don’t
spoil your baby by holding them too much,” “don’t let them nurse to sleep
otherwise they won’t be able to sleep on their own,” or “just let them cry it
out a bit so they know how to self-soothe.”
Can I just say how much this bothers me? No offense as I know
these people who like to give advice are only doing it to well, be helpful and
give advice. But I also agree with the article’s viewpoint in that young babies
need their mothers and at that age they aren’t really meant to sleep through
the night or be away from their mother for too long. They are hardwired to need
their mothers because to them it is a matter of survival. A mother is their
primary source of food, comfort, and security so of course they are going to want
to be as close as possible to her at all times.
I mean did you know that in the first few months of life, a
baby cannot distinguish the difference between themselves and their mother.
They truly believe that they are one in the same, just as in the womb. So
imagine how it feels for the baby if their mother constantly put them down or
separated themselves from them for a while. The baby would obviously freak out,
feel scared because they are suddenly unprotected. They would start to protest
by crying because their source of comfort is too far away. And then we wonder
why is the baby crying so much or why are they waking up multiple times
throughout the night? Well. Because they are not developmentally ready to be so
far away from their mother yet.
I am a STRONG believer in attachment parenting. I do not
think it is spoiling a child AT ALL. Instead, I feel like it is only setting
them up to have a strong sense of security. Imagine what message it gives to a
young child when we constantly put them down to allow them to try to self
soothe when they are not truly ready? We are basically telling the child “I’m
not there for you. You’re on your own.” And to a child that young, that can be
psychologically devastating!
That child, after repetitive exposure to being left alone to
self soothe, will eventually learn to self soothe but also learn that they
cannot depend on their caregivers, which will ultimately cause anxious or
avoidant attachments in the future. Any adult that has issues with anxious or
avoidant attachment styles knows how devastating this is and troublesome when
forming relationships with others. It’s just unhealthy, so why not set our
children up for a healthy future?
From what I’ve researched on my own, this idea of allowing a
baby to self soothe that young or letting them cry it out in their crib at
night was only a very recent trend of parenting. In other parts of the world it
is completely normal to cosleep or bedshare with a child even past six months
of age. It is also normal to breastfeed on demand past six months. Babywearing
is also VERY normal. In other words, it is EXTREMELY normal to be very attached
to your child as it is healthy for the child’s psychological development.
So why has it become a trend to give advice to new mother’s to stop holding their babies so much or to let them self soothe at night so they, themselves, can get some sleep? Why do we make new mothers feel like they are failing at motherhood because they are not teaching their children an important life skill?
Is it because of selfish reasons? Is it because we truly believe we are doing developmental HARM to our children by being so attached? Is it because we feel that they won’t ever learn to be independent?
I don’t know. But what I DO know is that my mama instinct does not want to follow that advice.
My mama instinct tells me that the right thing to do is to make my child feel secure as often as possible. Whether that be waking up multiple times in the middle of the night to allow her to feed as I sleep next to her or whether that be picking her up when she cries right away and helping her feel better by comforting her and telling her that I’m here, either way, I am here for my child anytime, anywhere. I don’t think it’s spoiling her. I don’t think it’s teacher her to be dependent. If anything, I think by feeling secure she will eventually become independent on her own because she feels secure enough to know that I am always going to be there so there is no need to feel anxious or afraid (which by the way, is most likely the fuel to why many kids are anxious in the first place!)
So Mama, if you are feeling pressured right now that your baby is not sleeping through the night or is constantly wanting your attention, I’m here to tell you not to worry.
Here’s some truth for you: They will sleep through the night when they are ready. And they will gain independence when they are ready.
And if you are honestly one of those people who are upset about the fact that you have to wake up or tend to your child multiple times, then I’m not sure if parenting is your strong suit? OK, maybe that is a little harsh. But I just don’t understand why you would feel upset that your child needs you.
Your little needs you. That is why they are waking up or crying. It is not because they are trying to manipulate you or play mind games. It is because they have a need, (for example: being hungry or scared or just needing comfort) and they are asking for attention so that you will recognize that there is something they need It is their only way of communication. Don’t get mad at them for it. Love them. Comfort them. Ask them what they need (if they are old enough to communicate verbally.)
After our nap together
Remember to have patience because they are only little once and they are quite impressionable at that age. Don’t you want them to remember how mama was there for them always?
I know it’s hard though. I know when you are literally at
the end of your rope and all you want is a minute to yourself or a minute to
rest and the last thing on your mind is to have patience or to give more when
you feel like you have nothing more to give. But you just have to stop and take
a breath. Remember how this is your child. You chose to bring them into the
world, not the other way around. They need you. Give them what they need. The
extra cuddle. The extra milk. The extra attention. They will appreciate it so
much even if they don’t show it right away.
And you will begin to notice over time what a difference it
makes in their lives.
I know personally I have dealt with many people who simply
don’t understand my stand on attachment parenting. They think that I am
spoiling my child by holding her too often or by not allowing her to sleep in
her own crib (and yes, it is completely safe if you follow the safe way of
doing it.) But I just say thank you for the advice and keep on going. Because
that is what being a mama is all about. It is knowing what is best for your
child and following your instinct because God definitely fine-tuned those instincts
inside each and every mother.
And mama, you are doing enough. Let me tell you that first hand because we aren’t told this enough. Don’t feel guilty or like a failure. As long as you are loving your child and taking care of their needs, you are doing enough, and really that is all that should matter to both you and your child.
Feedback opportunity:
What are you views on attachment parenting? Do you think we put too much pressure on new mothers to get their babies to sleep through the night or learn how to self soothe?
Let me know in the comments! I’d love to have a discussion.
xx Mama with Grace xx
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My daughter is going to be six months in a few days, guys. SIX MONTHS. Can you believe that? How did half a year already go by? She has been growing in front of my eyes and it’s just amazing to see how this little human is developing.
Let me tell you – her personality is truly popping out and I
know with more time, it is going to shift and mold even more. But she is one
funny kid. Loves to laugh, giggle, and smile. She is happy about 90% of the
time and the other 10% is only because she is needing something, which is very
understandable as babies communicate through crying.
I think my favorite thing is the fact that she is so
responsive towards me. I feel like I can tell her anything and she understands.
She will share a big smile when I need it. Grasp her hands around my neck when
she knows I need a hug. And will cuddle with me when I’m in need of extra love.
And I don’t know if she’s aware of what she is doing but I think she is. She is
incredibly smart and I feel like before becoming a mom, I really underestimated
babies. I always thought they didn’t really know what was going on, but they
are SO smart! And I think it’s because they are SO in tune with their natural
instincts. I feel like we lose that over time as we grow into adults, but there
is so much to learn from little ones!
We started baby led weaning not too long ago. I know you’re
supposed to do it at six months or really when they are ready, but trust me,
this little girl was ready. She has been so curious about foods since she
turned 4 months old. But once she started sitting up on her own, my mama
instinct kicked in so I thought why not? And boy was she ready. She was
grabbing at the food and putting it in her mouth like she knew what she was
doing. No issues at all. And I was really surprised because this mama has had
so much anxiety over feeding her solids, especially with the idea of choking
and all. Obviously, I am still extremely careful but it is really tough
watching your baby girl feed herself and not having that urge to just take the
food out of her mouth.
That is one thing about baby led weaning that freaks me out
and I am still expanding my own personal knowledge of the whole process. I am
just deathly afraid of her taking a large chunk but I read that babies instinctively
regulate their intake and use their heightened gag reflex to spit out whatever
is honestly too big to be swallowed.
I’m not going to lie though, I have been giving her some
purees as well – the organic store bought kind but also kinds that I have made
on my own. She gobbles those up too, and sometimes will take the spoon out of
my hand and feed herself. I swear this kid is months ahead of her age. Or maybe
all babies are that way and I just think mine is special. Either way, I am
IMPRESSED.
I was afraid that this might confuse her especially with the
baby led weaning but so far it hasn’t. She knows food is food. And she somehow
knows the difference between purees and solid chunks of food. I honestly don’t
know how she does it but I trust her. Yep. I trust my little six month old. But
of course, I’m always right there, watching over her safety.
Other milestones. Well. She is rolling back and forth now.
Flops right onto her back from being on her tummy and right back again. I call
her a roly poly sometimes. She sits up mostly unassisted too. She’s a bit
wobbly sometimes but manageable. One thing that truly made my mouth drop was
the other day when my husband was like “look honey what she can do.”
She was in her crib and she put her hands on the rail of the crib and pulled her up to a stand and she just stood there! Holding herself up like a big girl on the rail. I mean, whoa. What happened to crawling kid? Of course, I freaked out inside and wondered about what other stunts my husband is trying to teach her during the day when I’m not around but she did really good and impressed mama.
And crawling, folks, is right around the corner. I just know
it. She is scooting around when on her tummy and kicking her legs like no
tomorrow, sometimes even making herself inch across the floor.
Sometimes I stop and I think, wow I have a daughter. ME. The
person who did not want children years ago. But now I just can’t imagine my
life any other way. I was born to be a mother. I am a nurturer and healer by
nature, cancer is my sign, even though I don’t really believe in astronomy, but you know. But my sign is totally
all about mothering. So I know this is the path I was supposed to be on.
I honestly am so excited about every single moment I get to
experience with my daughter. All of her firsts. Teaching her about so many
things. Exploring her interests and basically just showing her the beautiful
parts of life but also teaching her about the not so beautiful parts and
instilling compassion, care, and good values in her.
But most of all, I want to be a role model for my daughter. I
want her to look up me like I looked up to my own mama. I want her to know that
I am strong and willing to take risks and go to bat for her if need be, which
brings me to my next topic.
Taking Risks. I never used to have a backbone. You could say
that I was probably the most compliant, easy going individual ever just because
I hate confrontation. I still do, but the difference now is, I will stand up
for myself if need be. I will voice out my opinions on what I feel is right but
I will never put anyone down for thinking anything different. I am truth seeker
and a truth spreader.
But anyone knows that the life of someone who goes against
the grain is not an easy one. It involves taking risks. And lately because I have
chosen this path, I have had to take so many risks but I know they have been
worth it.
If you’ve been following my journey, you have probably
noticed how my page has evolved from a small blog to now a blog, Instagram,
facebook page, and now shop. I plan to expand it even further, hoping diving
into other areas of my own personal interests like essential oils, CBD oils,
crafts, etc. I want to make videos and create recipes and cute DIY projects.
But obviously it takes time. But it also takes A LOT of risk.
Putting myself out there has been extremely vulnerable and
difficult, but I feel like it is a distinct calling that I must follow. I’ve
had blogs before but none of them ever fit quite right like Mama with Grace
has. I know this is something big or at least that is what I am telling myself.
I know this is my change to help others and bring awareness to certain things,
but also to make a difference in my family’s life and my little girl’s life.
But like I said, going against the grain is not easy. I feel
like I’ve lost a lot of friends because of it. Maybe people didn’t know me as
well as they thought they did, or maybe they just never took the time to do so.
I’ve always been the same, I guess parts of me were just more hidden than
others and now that I’ve given myself permission to just be myself – ALL of
myself – I think some people just don’t like her.
BUT THAT’S OK.
I don’t need to be loved or even liked by everyone. I don’t
need everyone to agree with me. But I don’t tolerate bullying. And if you don’t
want to be friends anymore, that’s ok. Nobody is forcing you to be.
But I bring it back to the fact that it is emotionally
difficult to experience. You start hear people talking about you, treating you
differently, not being as friendly, looking at you weird. But it’s ok. I am on
my own path.
But the good news is – through all this I have discovered a
whole new tribe of people. All just like me. And it is amazing.
Most of these people I have met online and some of them have
become such good friends, better than the ones I had in real life.
I haven’t had a real friend in so many years and I was
scared that I would never find another for a long time, but I trusted God. I
knew he would bring the right people into my life. And He did. He actually has
overwhelmed and showered me in women – fellow mama’s – that are on the same
path as me and who are mostly Christ believers.
I wouldn’t change anything for the world. Yes, this journey
is rough. Yes, there are many risks to be taken. But it pays off. It will
continue to pay off as long as I trust in the Lord. He will provide it.
He has this far and has faithfully brought me through
multiple moments in my life that I thought I would never get through. So I know
as I take this next step into further developing my blog and my shop and even
these new friendships, I know that it is going to lead me to somewhere
unbelievable. Somewhere I can’t even imagine yet because it is so big.
See, that is how we have to think. When we take risks, we have to believe that God will follow through, especially if we are working within His parameters and guidelines.
Anyway friends. I leave you with that.
xx Mama with Grace xx
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I was scrolling through my old photos today on my phone because I have been seeking inspiration for new designs for my clothing store. As I was looking through, I was beginning to feel nostalgic, as if the life I had previously was so long ago – as if the person prior to becoming a mother, was someone far, far away.
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Look at that girl. Adventurous. Carefree. Full of hope and dreams and love.
Boy, has life changed since that moment. I believe that photo was taken by in 2015. I was about 26 years old. I had just come from a point in life where everything was changing rapidly for me. New relationship. New lifestyle. New opportunities. I was focused on living my best life and vowed to myself that I was going to start loving myself again after so many years of self-hate.
Since 2015, life has changed even more dramatically and I love how my journey hasn’t stopped evolving. I am mother now. I am wife. I am boss babe, as I like to call it with two businesses and now I am taking an even greater risk and quitting the corporate world to focus on my family and my businesses. Oh how life has changed.
I know it will be tough. Actually, scratch that, it ALREADY is tough. If you’ve been following my journey thus far, you would know that I returned back to work a few months ago and quickly realized it just wasn’t working out. I didn’t belong there anymore, despite the fact that I was really good at my job. I knew that my calling was now towards motherhood and growing my small business and I had to follow that instinct.
I never used to be one to take risks, but ever since 2015 I have been taking giant risks and not looking back and so far it has paid off tenfold. I decided back then that finally I was going to trust God with every part of my life. I gave up certain things and I let go of others. And I think that sometimes when we are able to let go of the things that we have outgrown, it opens up room for new opportunities. I’ve seen how God has been working in my life and I am so excited to see where He will bring me next. I know that He asks us to have faith and He will grow that faith into enough to move mountains.
But throughout this whole adventure and transition, I’ve been learning that loving yourself is an important part of the journey. If we didn’t take care of our own needs then we wouldn’t be able to take care of the needs of others, especially our littles.
It has been hard though. There have been many days where I overlooked my needs and ran myself to the ground just for the sake of taking care of everyone else around me. And after a while, you begin to feel the toll of that. You start to get cranky, tired, irritable, anxious, depressed – just to name a few.
And you end up not giving your best self. You start to rush through everything just to get it done so you can quickly move on to the next task. You forget to stop and enjoy things and be present. You become a person that isn’t really that fun to be around because you are just so focused on who knows what that you don’t even have time to laugh things off anymore.
Yeah. That was definitely me. Still is, I hate to admit. But I really want to change that.
I know that the cause of being that way is because I am lacking in the self love department. I haven’t been very loving to myself lately.
I am still grieving my old self. My old body. My old energy. My old persona. Even though if I truly ask myself if I could go back in time and just be that person again, would I? I would say no. I’m not that person anymore. I’ve outgrown her. And it’s not a bad thing.
I am this person now. And I need to learn to love her. Especially all of her flawed parts. Her new body. Her new mind. Her new personality.
She is great. She is beautiful and just as inspiring.
We have to learn to let go of the people we once were and the lives we once lived. I like the idea of things happening in our lives at that point in time for a reason, same goes for us being the way we are at certain times in our lives for a reason. We were who we were at that time for a reason, but that person should stay in the past because they don’t belong in the present. The person you are now is who you should be now.
So I’m asking you and I’m asking myself, what am I doing today to love myself more?
Because while taking care of others and especially our little ones is good, it’s also equally important to replenish ourselves.
My goals lately are to really slow down. To make sure I am nourishing my body with good foods. To take time to rest. To not push myself to the point of exhaustion even though there is plenty still left to do. And the hardest one of all, is to quit bashing myself. To tell myself that I am beautiful and worthy and enough. To stop looking in the mirror with disgust and start recognizing that my body is amazing for doing what it did – birthing my daughter and carrying her in my womb.
I’ll be candid. I find it so easy to encourage other women, mother’s especially. I can easily tell them how beautiful they are and how amazing they are for doing all they do. But I find it extremely difficult to tell myself the same.
Does anyone else have that same issue? Why is it easy for us to be kind to others but difficult to be kind to ourselves? Why do we feel like we are not deserving of our own kindness?
I want to explore that more. I want to explore my own kindness towards myself. I want to stop a second before making any kind of judgement.
Anyway, this is me letting you know that you are just as important. That you matter. That you deserve not to feel judged especially by your own self. And remember, you are doing your best. Even if you don’t feel like you are the same person anymore and that so much has changed since having a baby, or going through a certain event for those that are not mothers.
You are the person you are meant to be right now. Be ok with that.
It is all part of your journey and you will look back on today and be grateful for it even if you can’t see that right now.
There are so many times that I have looked back on the difficult seasons of my life and realized that while it may have been tough at the time, I am so grateful for the experience because it changed me and molded me into the person I am today.
Much love.
xx Mama with Grace xx
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I didn’t think I would write on this topic, but it’s just pulling at my heart. My heart is really hurting. The way our country has become so divided is making me so sad. It’s not even about who’s president anymore or who’s a liberal or who’s a conservative. It’s more than that. It’s about human beings being very unkind to each other because of their beliefs. I thought this country was based upon freedom, and with that freedom coming the freedom of speech.
I know that people will always have differing opinions. There will always be two sides to every argument and each side will always think they are more “right.” But what happened to humanity? What happened to kindness and love? What happened to allowing everyone to have their own personal beliefs about certain hot topics and standing for them without being threatened, censored, ridiculed, or forced to do otherwise?
In the last two months, I have been building up my network as I started two businesses so that I can eventually get to the point of financial freedom and stay home with my daughter. Because I have been trying to increase my reach, I have been constantly befriending new people on social media. And let me tell you personally as a network marketer, I don’t believe in the idea of just adding people to add people and then try to sell them a product. I believe in taking the time to get to know them, building a relationship, getting involved in their lives and really communicating with them on a personal level.
I love talking to other moms especially because I can definitely relate on a personal level since having my daughter. But it has really opened up my eyes to the world. There are so many of you with hearts just as big who are really trying to make it, who are doing everything they can to do the best for the family. And I know sometimes it may come across as being pushy or just trying to make a sale but I know that the intention behind it is for a bigger reason why and that is why I, personally, give them my support by at least loving on their page, if not buying something I am truly interested in.
I know this is a bit off topic, but stay with me. I don’t like when people dismiss small business owners, even if they are part of a multi-level-marketing campaign. Every single one of those people are doing it for a bigger reason – to pay off debt, to support a passion, to do something more for their families. I know in their hearts its not purely for selfish reasons. And I was one of those people that used to dismiss their marketing tactics, but now being in it personally I see how hard it is. It’s not just about posting and selling. It’s much more. It is a true investment and lifestyle. But the fuel behind doing it, at least for me personally, is my family – my daughter really. I do it for her. I do it because I am trying to make a better world for her and having financial freedom will allow me to get closer to that goal.
But back to the topic of humanity. This is where it connects. A lot of these network marketers are all HUGE supporters of movements going on in today’s world that are not necessarily like by many.
They are your trump supporters. They are your anti-vaxxers. They are you pro-life people. They are your alternative lifestyle, organic eating, monsanto-hating hippies. But they are my people.
And what makes me sad is that the other side of all these movements are so completely unkind to them. So unkind to me.
I get it. You (the other party) may not agree with these beliefs at all. But what gives you the right to be unkind? What gives you the right to try to force YOUR beliefs on me? What gives you the right to tell me that YOUR beliefs are superior to mine? What gives you the right to threaten my family? To threaten my friends? To censor me from trying to speak outwardly about my beliefs? Don’t you speak outwardly about yours? What gives you the right to ridicule? To mock?
What truly bothers me is when it comes to mothers. When the other party (this is what I will call them) decides to outwardly speak unkind things to mothers who have done countless hours of evidence-based research, who have put in the time, who have put in the work and yet they are told things like, “you are a bad mother,” or “you don’t care about your child and are putting them in danger!” or “you do not DESERVE to have children.” Yeah, that last one truly bothers me. Or how about the personal attacks like, “Well you must be crazy to believe those things,” or “you must be selfish,” or “you are stupid for living your life that way.”
Again. Please tell me what gives you the right to state these things? Do we say unkind things back? No. Not really. Do we force our beliefs on you? No, not really. We just educate. We hope that you would listen. But we don’t threaten, ridicule, and FORCE anything on anyone.
Now please note, if you’ve gotten to this point in my post that I have not personally been threatened about my own personal beliefs but I have been attacked in some ways by others. But I see countless mothers on my social media pages who are attacked and threatened and ridiculed. Who feel hopeless because their government is trying to force thigns upon them and their children. Who cry at night due to fear of living in what feels like a nazi regimn lately.
And my heart hurts for them.
My heart hurts for anyone really that is different, that goes against the grain. It is not an easy path AT ALL.
But I bring it back to my personal Christian faith. Jesus was against the norm. Jesus was an outcast. He was ridiculed. He was beat. He was tortured for all for His beliefs. But yet He persevered. He continued on spreading His message with LOVE and not hate. He continued to show kindness to all, despite how they treated Him.
This is why I am the way I am. Because He is in me. And I know that many of you from the other party either do not have faith or do not live according to religion, which is fine. But this is why I choose to do all things with love, despite our differences.
I will never force. I will never ridicule. I will never threaten.
My goal is simply to do all that I do with love, whether that is educating others about the way I choose to live my life and my beliefs for myself and my family, or whether that be the way I choose to run my small businesses.
Remember, it is honey that attracts the flys not bitters. If we want real change, we must stand up for our beleifs but also do it with kindness and love.
Hate will only get you so far. Trying to control will only get you so far. Trying to censor will only get you so far.
But love, love can part waters, it can move mountains, it can break chains.
Love is from God and it is all powerful.
To all those who are on my side: who are in the trenches fighting the fights and showing kindness and love while moving against the grain, know that I stand with you. You are not alone. Persevere, my friends.
To all the fellow mothers out there: I don’t care if you are pro or con anything. You are a mother. You care about and love your child. And that is enough. If you believe such and such is best, then do it. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not enough, that you are crazy, that you are stupid, that you should not be doing such and such for your child. You know best. Not the doctors. Not the governement. Not the media. Not your friends or even your famiyl. Trust in YOUR instincts. Love your children and do what is right for them.
To the other party: I love you all too. Even the ones that spread hate, that bully, that try to tear us apart. Jesus loved the sinners and tax collectors just the same. And I will pray for you all to know the truth.
Like I said in the beginning, I’m not one to normally post this way or to get in the middle of political views, controversy topics. But I felt compelled to do so this time. I cannot sit on the sidelines anymore. And it’s honestly not even about the fight but just about spreading love instead of allowing hate to take over.
Even if you disagree with everything I’ve said or any of my beliefs, stop being unkind about it. That’s all. Think of how that would change the world, for our children and future generations, if everybody followed that golden rule.
Mama with Grace. 